Understand your 'Window of Tolerance' before you react!

“You’re getting on my nerves”, is quite a feeling, isn’t it? Said in extreme situations of irritation and stress, it clearly expresses how matters have gone out of our hands and are now beyond their tolerance!

To understand this feeling better, we can always understand a concept developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, popularly known as the ‘Window of Tolerance’, as he describes this as a zone of optimal understanding of one’s feelings and emotions, which helps them to function effectively. Often known as a state of equilibrium, it allows room for us to process and assimilate new information, make informed  decisions, and engage in healthy social interactions. However, moving beyond this window can result in feeling overwhelmed and losing the ability to function logically and mindfully. 

This very window can be looked at as a spectrum, divided on the basis of level of arousal a person may be experiencing at a given time. Our window of tolerance balances between hyperarousal and hypo arousal, the two states of arousal. Where on one hand hyperarousal is the state of heightened and extreme emotional expression, involving feelings of agitation, anger or even anxiety, whereas the state of hypo arousal is state of reduced emotional expression, where one may experience numbness, dissociation or even exhaustion, leading to development of depression. 

The range of this window influences how individuals perceive and react to various stressors around them. People with a narrow window are mostly feeling overwhelmed, and are occupied by the feeling that their emotions are intense and difficult to manage. Ones with a wider window of tolerance may be a little better at handling stressful emotions and situations, without feeling overwhelmed by its complexity. Most people move between these varying states of arousal from time to time. Additionally, our window of tolerance can fluctuate depending on various factors such as stress, sleep, and physical health.

Perhaps then having the understanding of your own range is only beneficial, in order to learn how to stay within the range, and avoid the outburst of extreme emotions, which can be damaging to yourself, as well as your relationships with others.

Here are 4 ways in which you can know your Window of Tolerance better than anyone -

1. Identify your emotional triggers - Identify things that arouse you instantly, these can either be personal, for example your own bad memories, or social, for example loud noise or people lying to you.
2. Have empathy for yourself - Practice self-love and self-compassion, and treat yourself with the same understanding with which you treat others. In stressful situations we often get extremely critical and judgmental of what we are doing, which can further make matters even more intense. 
3. Regulate your emotions - Learn effective ways of managing your emotions, thoughts and feelings. These can include breathing techniques, mediation, physical exercise, or even journaling.
4. Seek professional help if necessary - Finally, if you’re unable to understand your tolerance levels, and what effects and what is it that calms you, then speak to a professional who can guide you to identify these triggers, help you learn effective ways to regulate emotions, and also build empathy for yourself.

Lastly, be patient as you uncover parts of yourself and put effort into understanding them. Optimizing this window can be challenging, as situations are sometimes beyond our control, but actively working on widening this window, as well as identifying the factors that affect it will eventually help you become more resilient in managing stressful situations.